Watching my son Matthew struggle with mental health and addiction has been one of the most painful trials of my life. In his early twenties, he was diagnosed with mental health issues. Though he began medication, it left him feeling sluggish and unmotivated, robbing him of his vitality. He soon abandoned the meds and tragically turned to illegal drugs. With every passing day, his conditions worsened, leading him to lose his job, his car, and ultimately, his home. He found himself living on the streets, lost and in desperate need of divine intervention.
As Matthew’s life unraveled, he lost his license, wallet, and food card. People began preying on his vulnerability, stealing what little he had left. The constant uncertainty of not knowing where he was, what drugs he was using, or when I might receive a heart-wrenching call from the hospital was almost too heavy to bear. Yet, in the midst of my despair, I sought to channel my love and longing for my son into something meaningful. I decided to serve the homeless, hoping to bring a touch of God’s love into their lives while staying close to where Matthew might be. I found a place where I could prepare meals and offer comfort to others while holding onto hope that God would guide Matthew back to safety.
From Pain To Prayer
Throughout these agonizing years, I turned to prayer, placing my trust and hope in God’s hands. I prayed every single day for Matthew, never wavering, even in the darkest moments. I fasted, seeking the Lord’s guidance and begging for His strength to sustain me. Supported by my family and church community, I prayed fervently for a miracle, for God’s divine intervention to break through the chains binding my son.
And then, by God’s mercy, that miracle came. Matthew reached out, ready to seek help. With renewed faith and determination, and only by the grace of God, I found a Christian-based recovery program that could address both his mental health and addiction struggles. The road was not easy, but Matthew is slowly beginning to reclaim his life, step by step, under God’s loving watch.
In reflecting on this journey, I have come to understand a profound truth: we are all created in the likeness and image of God.
“So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” —Genesis 1:27
Heart of Healing
We were designed by our Creator to seek Him and to keep Him close to our hearts. There’s a sacred part of us that will always yearn for His presence. When that divine connection is missing, we often turn to false idols—drugs, alcohol, work, pornography, or other destructive behaviors—to fill the void. But these things can never truly satisfy the deep hunger of the soul. Only God can fill the emptiness within us, and only His love can make us whole.
I’ve often pondered why heart disease is the leading cause of death worldwide. As I grow older and seek God more deeply, the reason becomes clearer: our hearts were created as a sanctuary for Him, yet we so often push Him aside, denying Him His rightful place. In this void, we let stress and the illusion of control take root, leading to unnecessary suffering and even death. When we distance ourselves from His divine presence, we lose the peace and healing that only God can provide.
“And He said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’” —Matthew 22:37
The Journey Ahead
Today, at 40 years old, Matthew is on the path to recovery, beginning to fill his heart with God’s boundless love. Does he need a prescription for mental health medication again? I cannot say for certain. But I have faith that when your heart is filled with God’s heavenly embrace, your soul ignited by His passion, and your mind renewed by His Spirit, anything is possible.
“And looking at them, Jesus said to them, ‘With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’” —Matthew 19:26
I am deeply grateful for this transformation with U-Turn for Christ. Our story stands as a testament to the power of faith and perseverance. Despite the darkest struggles, God’s love and guidance can bring hope and healing. I share our journey to remind others that with faith, and by seeking God, even the most challenging circumstances can lead to a brighter, more blessed future.
For those in need of similar support, I encourage you to visit
U-Turn for Christ Oregon. www.uturnforchristoregon.org
There is hope, and there is help, but only by the grace of God.
Author: Kathleen Pagnini
